c01dphu510n's reactor
Walls (12/26/2000)
The last thing I want is to have built walls against other people, other great girls that I meet. Why do I harbor these guarded feelings, you ask? Because I was hurt once so badly that I have trouble making the connection now.
12/27/2000
We still love each other. I believe this. I asked her, if anything, to always tell me the truth. I honor her in the same way. In love, you have to know the other individual intimately, which should allow you to decide what breaking course of action would be best for both parties. Choosing the wrong one may achieve your aim, but will cause unintended side effects - as it did in Destiny's breakup with me. She chose to treat me poorly, until I finally begged her to tell me what was bothering her. She told me, but not as I had hoped - she told me like a hardass. Not once during that hellish weekend did I see the Destiny I fell in love with. She was so mean to me, but it made her feel better to treat me like shit. I am scarred for life by that experience. I don't know if she can truly understand me, nor I her. I liked being relied upon for a person's joy, and since she no longer relies upon me, I feel that I have no involvement in her life anymore, and that hurts me. She has made it clear that she does not want me anymore. It is terrible. But I refuse to be miserable anymore. How selfish she became. She'll have to work to gain my trust again, after she so betrayed.
I once said, "All you had to do was tell me." when confronted with an imminent breakup. She let it go on too long, the distancing.
I thought that I could handle that, being told that it was over without so much as a word of warning or an inkling of problem.
BUT I WAS WRONG.
Granted, though, I have come to realize that there was a major difference between my two true relationships. The one with Destiny was much more serious, and I've come to realize that you just can't apply a simple heuristic or a complex algorithm to LOVE. You have to play it by ear. Each woman has her own different beauties, virtues, and qualities, and each must be taken into account. My relationship with Krista could, I believe, have been broken off successfully using one of two heuristical courses of action. She ignores me for over a month until I finally speak or she simply could have told me. My relationship with Destiny could not possibly have been ended using a simple heuristic because it is LOVE. Notice I say IS.